


No Longer

by jumilsbish



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26381068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumilsbish/pseuds/jumilsbish
Summary: Partially he was right, Jacob was thinking, a lot.He thought about all of their shared memories, the happy laughs, tears streaming down their cheeks from both happiness and sadness. They had been through it all and yet Jacob felt something was missing."I'm breaking up with you."
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	No Longer

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work i am actually publishing on here, i hoped that would be a happier story but i guess i was just feeling some type of way and decided to throw that into a small fic
> 
> see this as a start-up because i have quite some wips and drafts sitting around
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading!

Stumbling through his apartment Hyunjae slammed his shoulder into the doorpost. A pained groan resounded at the impact, right hand clasping at his shoulder in an attempt to soothe part of the ache.

Of course it didn’t work, that’s not how pain works. 

Not that it mattered anyway, it would just leave a small bruise and be sensitive for a couple of days. 

The real pain he was feeling wasn’t even physical. The real ache was in his heart, or rather what was left of his once joyful heart. 

If you had told him last year that he would become this miserable, not leaving the house unless he really needed supplies, those supplies being nothing more than alcohol, chocolate and ice cream, he would have laughed at you. Right now however, he really did feel miserable. 

His neighbors made sure to drop a bag with actual food at his doorstep every couple of days. Hyunjae was grateful for them, he knew they were worried about him. Though, even then he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

It’s been weeks since he got his heart broken and yet it’s still all that’s on his mind. 

_Jacob is all that’s on his mind._

The love of his life, the one who he thought he would grow old with, maybe if things worked out they could have even raised children together. They were supposed to be a happy family. 

But things didn’t work out, they weren’t a happy family, Jacob had told him as much that night. What Hyunjae thought was going to be a night to remember, like it was the most wonderful dream he ever had, turned into a nightmare. 

_Another bottle of soju._

Bottle in his hand Hyunjae moved to the living room, dropping dead on the couch with a drawn-out sigh. He shouldn’t drink, he was aware of that. And he tried, he really did but he needed to numb the pain. 

_That sounds dramatic._

Admittedly, Hyunjae was a bit dramatic but in his very humble and definitely not biased opinion, he was allowed to be dramatic in times like this. 

His thoughts kept drifting back to that night. The summer night that turned his life upside down. 

_It was late August, Jacob had asked Hyunjae to meet him out front which made him curious, normally Jacob would come into his apartment and they’d make small talk while Hyunjae finished getting ready._

_He shook it off, too excited about seeing Jacob again. They hadn’t been able to meet up for a couple of weeks now. Life catching up to both of them, responsibilities of their jobs taking up a lot of time. Hyunjae smiled at the thought of his boyfriend, quickly finishing up so he could leave his apartment._

_Walking outside it didn’t take him long to spot a familiar car. He got in, giddy as he softly pecked Jacob’s cheek, “Hey baby.”_

_“Hey.” Jacob smiled, but it was an uneasy smile, like something was bothering him._

_Nearly bouncing out of his seat Hyunjae grabbed his hand, “Where are we going?” The question had been on his mind every since Jacob texted him saying he would come pick him up later that day._

_Another uneasy smile. No answer._

_Hyunjae brushed it off, it was probably a surprise._

Huffing at the vivid memory he took a shot, alcohol burning his throat in a fruitless attempt to make him forget. He could have known. Jacob was behaving differently back then, he had noticed it and yet he didn’t want to see it. 

The saying “love is blind” rang true after all. Why out of all people it had to apply to him and Jacob he didn’t know. They had always told each other everything. Not just boyfriends but best friends. Anything he didn’t dare tell Juyeon, Hyunjae told Jacob because he knew he wouldn’t judge. 

Jacob never did. He would listen to Hyunjae rant about whatever was bothering him and reassure him that things would turn out alright. “There’s light at the end of the tunnel.” Were words he spoke often. His uplifting spirit one of the many things Hyunjae loved so much about him. 

That night he wasn’t positive at all, no light in eyes, not trying to uplift the other in the slightest when he had complained about that work driving them apart. 

_“Hmm.”_

_No chuckle, no nothing. Hyunjae frowned at the lack of reaction. He wondered if perhaps Jacob was thinking about what they could have done if they weren’t so busy._

_Partially he was right, Jacob was thinking, a lot._

_He thought about all of their shared memories, the happy laughs, tears streaming down their cheeks both from happiness and sadness. They had been through it all and yet Jacob felt something was missing._

_He thought of the times they fought. Hyunjae locking himself in the bathroom, yelling at him through the door. Even if he knew most of the words thrown around carelessly during a fight weren’t the other’s true thoughts, some had stuck with him._

_“You don’t understand me.”_

_“Leave me alone, I don’t need you.”_

_“You don’t love me!”_

_Out of the three shouts, the last one in particular stung. At first Hyunjae would come running out of the bathroom after saying it. Arms thrown around his neck as he pressed silent sorry’s into his skin. Now it took him longer to do that, somewhere between fifteen minutes to an hour._

_Jacob guessed Hyunjae hadn’t noticed it himself but Jacob saw it happening. And quite frankly, he wasn’t as bothered by the realization as he should have been._

_Slowly but surely they were growing apart. Though it seemed Hyunjae didn’t see it, or maybe he hoped ignoring it would solve the problem. Jacob didn’t see it like that and after giving the idea some thought he concluded there was only one solution._

_“I’m breaking up with you.”_

_Hyunjae choked on his wine, “You’re what? Why?” The questions falling from his lips while trying to keep his coughing at bay._

Tears are rolling down his cheeks as he recalls the way Jacob had said the sentence with such ease. The sentence that put an end to their 5 years together just like that. “I’m breaking up with you.” Hyunjae softly repeats to himself. 

It still hurt. 

It had been weeks, weeks of Hyunjae crying himself to sleep, replaying their last encounter over and over again, drinking until he either threw up or passed out only to wake up with a headache the next morning. 

Why had Hyunjae not yet gotten over it? He didn’t know. Maybe it was the fact that Jacob had realized he was changing before he himself had seen it. Maybe it was the fact that his supposedly steady future had been ripped away from him. 

_“I don’t understand, Jacob.”_

_“You will soon.”_

_“What if I don’t?”_

_Jacob got up, looking at Hyunjae one last time as he smiled softly, “I know you will.” And with that he was gone. Gone out of the restaurant, gone out of Hyunjae’s life._

Hyunjae thought he finally understood what Jacob had told him. Finally understood that it hadn’t been just work driving them apart. No they themselves had been drifting apart for a long time. He should have seen it coming. 

Maybe all Hyunjae needed was time. 

Time so he could process it all, get over it and continue his life. 

He wasn’t going to depend on Jacob to live anymore. He should never have depended on his like that in the first place but it had felt so natural then. 

Now he knew that what they had wasn’t meant to last. He finished the bottle, slamming the shotglass on the table while making a promise to himself. 

Tomorrow will be better. 

**Author's Note:**

> welp that was it, at least hyunjae chose to become happy again
> 
> come find me on twitter @jumilsbish
> 
> kudos or a comment would be appreciated!


End file.
